


Perhaps

by RatMonarch



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drunkenness, Loneliness, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Short, Unrequited Love, Wammy House, Wammy's Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatMonarch/pseuds/RatMonarch
Summary: Sometimes, Near wondered if things could've been different.





	Perhaps

Mello was drunk. 

The blond was trying his best to hide this fact, probably at least still sober-minded enough to know that Roger would have a conniption if he happened to get discovered. However, despite his best efforts, it was still painfully obvious, to Near at least. The blond had a red flush tinting his face and there was a slight sway to his every movement. 

But the most damning thing that told Near that Mello was under the influence of something was the fact that Near was currently still sitting in Matt and Mello’s shared bedroom, and Mello hadn’t even attempted to try and kick Near out. Usually, just the sight of Near alone was enough to get Mello acting aggressive. But right now, Mello was actually grinning. Near was so unaccustomed to the sight, he actually found it slightly unsettling to see.

“Hey, Sheep,” Mello slurred, “Good work keeping Roger out of the room. Matt and I owe you one, big time. Speaking of Matt, hopefully that bastard doesn’t get caught by Roger trying to fumble his way to the bathroom. The dude’s drunker than me.” Mello then let out a few laughs at that, not seeming to worry about how loud _he_ was being. 

Now anxious Mello might’ve just woken Roger up himself, Near anxiously listened in the hallway, trying to see if he could hear Roger’s footsteps approaching, his heart pounding. Matt and Mello might be used to getting reprimanded by Roger, but Near was not. Besides, he didn’t want all of his hard work to go to waste. 

Preventing Roger from knowing that Mello and Matt had slipped out to go to a party nearby had been a whole ordeal. Roger did routine checks of the bedrooms before he went to bed to make sure all the kids in Wammy’s were accounted for. 

But while Roger was thorough enough to do these checks, he didn’t spend more than a passing glance at them. All it had taken was a some wigs from the closet that were used for Halloween and a couple of Near’s toys strategically stuffed under the covers to fool Roger apparently that Matt and Mello were actually in their beds. The rest of Near’s job had been pretty simple after that. Just make sure the front door was unlocked so that Matt and Mello could slip back in. 

The idea of all that stress being for nothing was not something Near wanted to contend with. Luckily, years of living in Wammy’s had taught him that Roger had very distinctive footsteps and he heard none of the sort coming towards them. He let out a breath of relief.

Feeling safe now to answer Mello’s question, he quietly mumbled, “It was no problem.” 

He avoided eye contact as he said this, unable to keep his gaze on the grin Mello still had on. He still found the fact Mello was smiling at _him_ of all people slightly unsettling. But it wasn't just that either. The sight also made him sad. Mello was so beautiful when he smiled and the sight alone was enough to make Near's heart flutter with traitorous, painful feelings that he knew would never be requited. Mentally, he tried to will the butterflies away. 

Mello looked at him for a moment, before he looked up at the ceiling and said, “Matt and I were surprised though. Goody-two-shoes Near helping us bad kids? What prompted this?”

_‘Because I want you to like me, even if it is only by a little bit.’_

Of course, Near wasn’t suicidal, so instead he just shrugged and said, “I overheard you and Matt talking about how much you wanted to go so I just decided to help out. No real reason other than that.” If Near hadn’t known Mello was drunk beforehand, he would’ve been convinced by now given the fact Mello wasn’t pressing more at his shoddy explanation, or at the very least, getting mad at Near for having eavesdropped on his and Matt’s conversations. Instead, Mello just nodded and closed his eyes, clearly preparing to go to sleep right there. 

Near felt a flicker of disappointment that Mello wasn’t planning on talking to him more, and then got mad at himself for how pathetic. He was mad at how desperately he wanted Mello to be his friend or to like him or something other than the hatred he could tell the blond usually felt towards him. It was never going to happen. 

He shouldn’t _want_ it to happen. Mello was his _competition_. Plus, Mello was mean to him. He should be wanting Mello to get caught by Roger rather than helping aid him in slipping under Roger’s nose. 

But he couldn’t help it. Sad and one-sided as it was, Mello was the closest thing Near had to a friend. Wammy’s was set up so that all of the children were competing with one another, each desperately being trained for the day L died and needed to be replaced. And since Near was the most likely to actually achieve that title at the moment, that made him the enemy of almost everyone here. He was socially awkward enough without everyone hating his guts on sight and refusing to even humor having a conversation of any kind with him. Even Mello resented him. All for a title Near sometimes wasn’t even sure he wanted.

He usually clung to toys to replace social interaction, but sometimes they weren’t enough. And that meant he had to get attention, even if it was negative attention, from the only person who at the very least would acknowledge his existence and respond to what he said. To the only other person who knew what being close to having the title of L fully meant. And that person was Mello. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Near asked suddenly. 

Mello’s eyes opened and looked at him, before the blond’s gaze returned to the ceiling, sleepily annoyed at having been interrupted most likely. Though despite that annoyance, Mello was still drunkenly agreeable enough to shrug his shoulders and grunt, “Sure, what is it, Sheep?”

Near paused, swallowed, worked up his courage, and then continued. “If things were different, and we weren’t competing for the title of L… do you think we could’ve been friends?”

Mello blinked at the question and lapsed into a thoughtful silence for a few agonizing heartbeats, before finally he closed his eyes, shrugged and said, “Perhaps.”

Near was glad Mello couldn’t see the bitter smile on his face. Was glad Mello couldn’t see the liquid threatening to spill out of his eyes. 

How unfair…

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, Near. 
> 
> I got nostalgic for Mello again recently and decided to write something that at least involved him somewhat to vent those feelings out. I hope you enjoyed, despite it being depressing. All of my fics have been depressing lately. Damn. 
> 
> As always, critique is appreciated!
> 
> Have an amazing day!


End file.
